To Dance!
by IDontOwnEmotion
Summary: Short chapter fic on Mimi and her job.
1. No Way to Make a Living

TO DANCE!

This is the first installment of an 8 chapter series. I own nothing and everything belongs to the late great Jon Larson, may he rest in peace.

_No way to make a living..._

"May I present, the lovely and sensual, Miss Mimi Marquez!"

All of the lights on the stage at the Cat Scratch Club went out except for one lone spotlight fixed on a gleaming pole with handcuffs dangling from it.

Lovely and sensual she was, Mimi suggestivly slithered on stage and began a sexy pole dance to shouts of extacy from the compleatly male audiance.

She was soon joined by two young men in leather chaps and mesh shirts who then handcuffed her to the glistening pole

As if in some sort of drug induced dream fantasy, one of the men produced a whip from behind his back and began to whip Mimi in a suductive fashion while the other man placed a line of kisses across her collar bone. With every crack of the whip Mimi moaned in a mixture of pain and pleasure. The movement on stage became frantic and quick. While the man with the whip hit her faster and harder the other man unclasped her sequened bra and groped her breasts while sucking the skin on her neck. Mimi's moans grew louder and louder until finally she cried out in pleasure and the lights went out again.

Backstage one of Mimi's coworker's, the man with the whip, congratulated Mimi on her performance tonight before lighting up a joint and offering her a hit.

"Oh and Boss says go see him before you leave tonight." The man told Mimi when she gave him back his joint.

"Thanks. It's probably for my paycheck." Mimi responded "He 'forgot' to pay me last week"

"Don't let the bitch screw you over" the man called as Mimi walked away.

Laughing silently and slightly high Mimi pushed open the door to the office.

"Rick said you wanted to see me." Mimi told the man across the desk.

"Yeah" he relplyed "I've got some good news and some bad news"

"Okay" Mimi said sitting down

"Well here's your paycheck. That's the good news."

"Wait wait wait. There's only $150.00 in here. You still owe me from last week."

"Yeah thats the bad news. Were getting some new dancers here next week and your gonna have to take a paycut if you want to keep your job."

"Fine whatever" Mimi left the office with the the crumpled bills in her hand. She headed down Avenue B around 1:00 am.

'Well, it's a living.' she thought. Mimi stared down at the money she was still holding.

'No,' she thought again 'This is no way to make a living.'

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Well I hope you guys like it. Chapter 2 to come soon.


	2. Masochism

To Dance!- Chapter 2

_...masochism..._

Very late that night Mimi walked into her dilapidated third floor apartment that didn't have wallpaper, and a very very pissed off Roger. Let's just say Mimi's jugdement was a little "off" this perticular night so it seemed perfectly normal to try and crawl into Roger's lap and make out with him for a full thirty seconds when he was in this state.

"Where have you been?" Roger asked as he pushed Mimi off his lap

"What are you tal..."

"MIMI! It's fucking 5 am! Where the fuck have you been? Do you understand that I've been up all fucking night sitting here out of my mind with worry? I was this fucking close to calling the cops!" Mimi stared at Roger in confusion through this whole speech and supressed a laugh when it seemed to her that there were three Rogers yelling at her. Of course she had no idea what he was talking about. Nor did she understand when Roger wrapped his arms around her and held her close. "God, Mimi I was so scared. Please...please just don't...you can't...you can't keep doing this to me."

Mimi leaned in to kiss him and all hell broke loose. "That'sssook baby. I sttil loooooooove you."

"What the...Oh God! YOU'RE HIGH! Fuck Mimi! Here I was all night long and you were probably out fucking everything that moved and shooting up. Why the fuck did you do that to me? You were doing so well after christmas..." It had been a while since either of them had thought about that night. Moureen and Joanne dragging a half dead Mimi to Roger's doorstep. When he used the power of love to bring he back from the dead. When Angel saved her. Roger was nausious just thinking about it. His mind traced back to three christmas's ago. What happened to the beautiful adventerous girl with the candle that Roger fell in love with? Where was the forceful sexy woman climbing in through the window and demanding that they go out? That girl was lost forever, drowned in a sea of smack and lies.

Tears started streaming down Mimi's cheeks. "Fffuck you!" she managed before Roger stormed out of the apartment. Mimi heard him run up the stairs to the loft as she sunk into a chair.

'You stupid bitch' she thought. 'You lead such a fucked up life. You don't deserve Roger. Sweet beauiful Roger. The kind boy who lit your candle that christmas eve. The one who saved you fucking life the next year. How can you even do such a thing to him?' Mimi started to come down from her high as she made her way to the bathroom. This was always the hardest part. Mimi sat on the edge of the tub comeing down from her high on a new street drug called Gronk. The upside, "It lights up your senses and you see God!" he dealer had told her. Turned out the downside is the hardest fucking crash of your life. It started out with a simple headache, then a dull throbbing in her head, then so much pain that Mimi was collapsed on the floor shaking and drowning in her sweat. Bile rose in her throut and she leaned over the toilet and emptied the contents of her stomach. This time, she relized, Roger wasn't here to lift her off the floor. Roger wasn't going to wipe away the sweat and tears and tell Mimi she was beautiful and he loved her. Mimi thought about her absolutly fucked up life.

'And you know you love every fucking minute of it.'


	3. Pain & Perfection

To Dance-Chapter 3

..._pain...perfection..._

Early the next morning Mimi sauntered into _Miss Megan Miller's Dance Studio _on Avenue D and 16th street. It was where all the "Cat Scrach" dancers went to learn they're chorography '_If you can call being whipped by sadistic fucks in tight pants choreography.' _Mimi thought bitterly. Since the club was getting new dancers next week she was going to have to do her best if she wanted to keep paying the rent.

A latin/techno beat was playing on someone's boom box. Mimi started out with the newest number for next weekend. (This song actually had some non-bondage danceing in it.) Mimi never liked to focas on herself when she danced. Face the mirror, see all of your mistakes, see all the scars from the nevers and maybes. See the fucking single idiot who can't stop hurting people

_'Now isn't the time for that. Now is the time to focas on not loseing your job. 5...6...7...8...beat...leap...half turn...high kick...twirl into split...artistic collapse...back bend up...and last but not least...Torjete' _"Omph!" Mimi exclaimed landing on her ass like the failure she thought she was. _'Well that definatly won't do. back bend...Torjete...and crash! Fuck that hurt!'_

Mimi spent the rest of the day perfecting her tojete and landing on her ass more often than not. By the time she got back to her apartment the only thing she could do with her remaining strength was sit down. But she couldn't do that, because her couch was occupied...by a beautiful boy with a loveing smile and rough fingers from hours of playing the guitar.

"Well well well...hello Roger. Have you come to yell at me some more? Oh wait no...you're sorry. You're so so so so sorry. You're so sorry that your own personal shit has to fuck up everyones elses life!"

"No" he replied simply.

"Then what the fuck are you doing in my apartment?"

"Mimi...we...we can't...we can't do this anymore."

"Wha...what?"

"I went to the doctor today. My T-cells are really low, and I can't help feeling like the whole world is just gonna collapse under me one of these day. Probably sooner than later."

"How...how much...?

"A year. Maybe a year and a half if I get out of New York. I just can't stay here with you when we're at each other's throuts every second of the day. I can't live like this anymore. It's..it's not healthy. I'm sorry."

Tears pricked the back of her eyes "Roger I..."

"Don't! Just make it easier on yourself. Goodbye Mimi."

The door of Mimi's apartment closed and that was the last Mimi would ever see of Roger Davis.

_10 months later..._

_"Hey it's the Feline of Avenue B. Leave a message at the moo."_

_beep_

_"Mimi? Are you there? Mimi please pick up if you're there! Okay you're not there. Mimi it's Mark. Roger's in the hospital. He collapsed last night at a gig and he's been in a coma since. He did wake up for a second and the doctors said the only thing he said for a full minute was your name over and over again. He needs you Mimi. Please come...he's...he's dieing." sob click_

Mimi didn't hear anything past the word hospital and was up and out the door in a matter of seconds. Getting to the hospital was a blur. Mimi can't even remember if she used public transportation or walked or anything. All she remembers was not being allowed in.

"I'm sorry Ma'am but the dress code says we can't let you in dressed like some street walker." said the woman behind the reception desk. She popped her gum in an annoying way that made Mimi just want to shoot her.

"But...but my boy...my friend is about to die! Why can't you let me in?"

"I doubt we would let any of your kind through these doors. Try the free clinic on 13th."

Mimi walked out of the corrupt hospital trying to remember a time when socitey wasn't so screwed up that you could actually walk into a hospital without haveing to dress like it was Tavern on the Green.

As Mimi approched her door she stopped and pressed an ear to it. Someone in her apartment was crying. She opened the door to find someone expressing wracking sobs on her answering machean and then Mark's voice..."Mimi...he's gone."

click


	4. Muscle Spasms

To Dance!-Chapter 4

...muscle spasms...

Mimi didn't sleep at all that night. She just couldn't help but feel guilty.

She was with Roger before he died, but she had to be a bitch and screw it up for everyone. _'Love heals doesn't it? Remember last christmas? You didn't love him enough! You couldn't heal him!' I know blue! Only blue, lonely blue, within me blue...without you _There was a pang of hurt in the pit of her stomach as tears fought their way down her cheeks and a discomforting thought came to her. _'I can cry all I want, but it won't bring Roger back. Its not like he can just come home and save me...no one can save me.'_ She mad a vow then and there that she was going to kick this addiction if it killed her. _'Everything ends in death anyway dosen't it?' _

Mimi moved into the bathroom under the sink, where her stash was hidden. Mimi grabbed the large bad filled with white powder and she wanted nothing more that to shoot the powdered evil into herself and just forget. But she resisted temptation as she strode over to the window. Climing out onto the fire escape Mimi opened the bag and let the contents blow away in the wind with a shout of "FREE SMACK FOR ALL!"

She watched the power slip through her fingers and felt some of her problems going with it. _'Everything will be fine' _ she told herself with false hope.

_'Oh great!' _She thought with disgust, _'Eight hours at the studio today and now the muscle spasms start.'_

Mimi felt a tightness in her left arm which then released with a jerky movement.

Mimi tried to lie down and rest, but all it brought was more spastic movement and pain.

_'Oh the perilous life of a dancer' _she thought,_ 'Maybe I should pay a visit to that free clinic.'_


	5. Chiropractors

To Dance!- Chapter 5

_...chiropractors..._

Early one morning a few weeks later Mimi rose with the sun to greet the day. With Mark's help she had been absolutly clean for over a week. (Let's just say Mark figured out how hard it is to go get smack when the door is padlocked.) The crashing was the worse part. Wakeing up shakeing and sweating on the cold unforgiving tile of the bathroom and not even remembering how she got there. Thank God for friends. She wished Roger was with her every day thinking how much easier this would be if he was there. _'But,' _she thought honestly _'if Roger was still here you wouldn't be trying to get clean...'_

Sleepy eyed and clad in a blue cotton night shirt, Mimi left the warm comfort of her bed and strode into the freezing apartment.

After putting on a pot of coffie she sauntered over to get the mail.

She sighed "Electric bill...water bill...oh I may have already been a winner...heat bill...notice of eviction, yeah right Benny...sigh..." She frowned as she saw the fermiliar handwritting of Dr. Zimmerman. "Chiropractor bill"

In the 4 years Mimi had been a Cat Scratch dancer she had spent more money on going to the chiropractor than on heat and water and electricity combined.

_'Tis' the rough and expensive life of a dancer.' _She told herself.

Later that day Moureen dropped by to see how she was doing.

"I'm fine Moureen. Really." She told the diva currently paceing around her home giving Mimi these false, theatrical looks of pity.

_' I don't need HER to pity me!'_

"Are you sure pookie, because I feel so bad when you're just here all by yourself"

"Really Moureen, I'm fine!" She said through clenched teeth.

"Marky can be such an ass sometimes."

_'Sometimes you gotta be a diva to make a diva go away.'_

"He's not...he's just doing what...Roger would have...done...(swipes away fake tear)...I think you should go now."

"Oh Mimi I'm so sorry honey. Ok. I'll just...if you need to talk to anyone...you know where I'll be."

Mimi laughed silently thinking _'Yeah like I'll ever need to talk to you.'_

Midnight

Tears fought their way out of Mimi's eyes as she leaned over the toliet empting what little was in her stomach before sinking back down on to the stone cold floor. How she could manage to be aabsolutly freezing on the outside but burning up inside was a complete mystery to her. Various thoughts flickered in her minds eye. _'God I need a hit...I need Angel...I need to forget...I need a solution...I need Roger.'_

She was vaguely aware of being lifted off the floor a few hours later. The filmmaker had come to refill her AZT and heard her sobbing in the bathroom. He carefully placed her down on the couch and put a cool washcloth on her forehead before sitting down on the other side of the couch. They sat in silence for an underminable amount of time before Mimi finally spoke "I need him." She said.

"I know," he replied "I do too."

Last two chapters to come soon. don't forget to review.


	6. Short Careers

To Dance!-Chapter 6

_...short careers..._

Mimi woke the next morning with a splitting headache. Everyday was the same now. Wake up hurting somewhere, get the mail, wait for someone to come and take her to work (They wouldn't let her go out alone.) come home, wait for someone to come and pity her for about and hour, crash somewhere, wake up and do it over again. Today would be no differant.

Mimi figured all her dignity was lost. The beautiful, vivacious, adventerous girl she once was died the day Roger walked out. _'Or maybe it had been before that. Maybe she was lost before you even met Roger. Perhaps the Mimi you once knew died when you discovered smack'_

Mimi remembered that perticular day very well. She had been working at the Cat Scrach Club for a little over a month and one of her fellow dancers noticed how shy and nervous she was onstage for someone so beautiful "I just get stage fright sometimes." She admitted to him. "I know exactly how to fix that." He had told her.

Mimi remembered little after being dragged into the back alley of the club where a hygenically deprived man with an oversized coat was looking around guiltily. She remembers he friend from the club talking to "The Man" as the dancer had called him. She remembers the Man pushing the small bag of drugs into her hand and slyly takeing the 10 dollar bill out of her hand at the same time. Mimi remembers watching her fellow dancer carefully melt the powder and shooting it up into his vains. She remember being incredibly afriad of the needle, but noticeing how relaxed it made her friend she agreed to have him show her how to snort it.

She remembers a little bit of the following months in a bit of a hazy blur.

She remembers finally being able to stick the needle into her. She remembers going to the Man almost every night to get her smack so she could just get through the shows. She can remember sweaty, gruesome, dirty sex on the brick wall of an alley with an anonymus slutty stranger.

She remembers crashing, cold and hard on the floor usually with no one around to hear her screaming.

She remembers mornings spent with splitting headaches leaning over the toilet.

She remembers very clearly the day she went to get the mail and she found a letter from the doctors office saying her blood test results were in.

She remembers hearing those aweful words comeing out of the doctor's mouth "You have tested positive for HIV."

A knock on the door brought her out of her horrible past.

"Its open!" She called to the unknown person on the other side of the door.

The rest of the day was a complete blur to her until aproximatly 11 pm when she walked out of her boss's office.

Fired. She had been fired. Fired for exceding the weight limit!

"I'm sorry Mimi but your contract with this club says that you must stay below the limit or I have the right to fire you. When people come to this clb they want their fantacies lived, and they want attractive healthy looking people to do that. You! You can't even fit into the costumes anymore!"

Mimi blamed Mark for all of this. It was him who was forcing her to eat everyday therefore it was her fault she gained so much wieght. And with him loking her in the apartment like Repunzle she couldn't get out and excorsise.

_'Fucking withdrawl'_ She thought that night before passing out on the floor of the bathroom.


	7. Eating Disorders

To Dance- Chapter 7

Mimi stared blankly at her own reflection in the full length mirror. She was slightly disgusted by herself. For the past month and a half every day was spent on the street looking for a job.

Unfortunatly no clubs will hire an out of shape dancer, and no real places will hire an ex-junkie/ex-stripper comeing back from withdrawl. And the episodes weren't over yet.

Mimi had had her last breakdown the subway coming home from a long day of job hunting.

flashback

1 week ago

The unmistakeable dull throbbing began welling up in a small corner of her head. _' No please. Not now, not in public with all these people here.' _Her self-protests were ignored as she sank to the disgusting floor of the subway car. People stared for just a moment before someone finally came to her aid.

Present

Mimi continued to stare at the reflection she was almost positive wasn't her own. Since she had been fired from the Cat Scrach Club she had been eating less and less. She was slowly killing herself and she knew it too. _'What the hell am I gonna do?'_ she thought before everything went black.

Mimi awoke days later sorrounded by her remaining friends all looking upset and trying (and failing) to hide it. "Roger..." she murmered. She needed him. He must be here. "Roger..." Everyone shushed her. She needed her strength if she was going to...make it. Maybe she didn't want to make it. Whats the point of living without anyone to live for. She looked around at her friends. "Mark...?" she whispered. He knelt down next to pristine white hospital bed. Tears were brimming in his eyes "Mark...finish...finish your film...don't isolate yourself. Don't forget me or Roger" Mark nodded slowly and stood up.

"Maureen..." She muttered next. "Stay the sexy diva I know you will always be. Be good to Joanne and love eachother and live for eachother."

Mimi smiled at Collin's with all her strength. "I'll say 'hi' to Angel for you." she whispered. Tears rolled down his cheeks.

And then Roger was there. Roger was there on her bed, holding her hand and stroking her hair. "I got you baby."

"I love you..." she said as she finally slipped away.

THE END

Thanks to SlashyPassion, Godmother, eLpHaBaFaBaLaElPhIeFae, sweetiepie1019, Callieach, JeffarooskiJotaTalentGooeyMcFluffernutter, erikphan24601, Phantoms Little Lotte, anyone who reviews this chapter, and of course the great and powerful Zimmy.

Merry Rentmas to all and to all, measure in love.

ps. should i continue along in a series like this?

(examples-to film, music, anarchy.)


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